FEAR is like a magnet—it draws negative forces into our lives. FEAR tries to convince us that we are weak and unworthy by constantly reminding us of our past mistakes. FEAR won’t let us forgive ourselves or others. FEAR keeps us bound in the shadows not wanting us to emerge from the darkness. FEAR has only one goal—to keep us from becoming who we were created to be.

FEAR knows once we stand in the light—it no longer has any power. FEAR then becomes afraid of Itself, because in the light we bloom like a flower; our lives become filled with purpose and passion. FEAR has no choice but to retreat back into the shadows like all cowards eventually do.

While on my death bed a second time, on my journey to heart transplant, I allowed FEAR to overwhelm me. FEAR can become so powerful, that the negative self-talk playing out inside our own heads becomes real, driving us further into the darkness; away from God’s love and light.

I share an excerpt from a chapter, The Darkness, in my book Quarks of Light, as an example of how FEAR can overwhelm us if we’re not careful;

Fear is collecting around me, like I am a magnet drawing what I am most afraid of nearer and nearer. It feels like there is a malign force, wanting to take advantage of my weakness. Is this just depression related to my situation, or are the dark forces real? The little deformed boy from my childhood, has come out of a forgotten dungeon, and brought with him every rotted, shameful memory to torment me. How did this memory escape? Who unlocked the door?

With the nurse now gone, I feel darkness return to the room and a conversation begins to play inside me, almost like I am being baited by a specter.

“So, I see things have gotten worse since California. Your daughter is no better and now you’re going to die.”
“Yes, I remember. I have plenty of regrets; I’ll carry those memories to my grave. I have prayed for forgiveness. But remember; I never fully gave in to you.”
“Maybe you should have. Look around, dummy. See where prayer has gotten you? You’re already in your grave! Let me remind you about that morning on the beach in Los Angeles. You were so pathetic with bleeding knuckles and ready to vomit.”
“I remember all too well. I was desperate.”

The memory of that moment washes over me, so painful I have never spoken of it to anyone. Maria was only four years old and had become a skeleton, unable to sleep, wild eyed, aggressive, constantly grinding her teeth, banging her head and wringing her hands until they bled. We tried every treatment and took her to the best doctors but they could do nothing for her. When traditional medicine failed, I embarked on an ill-fated quest for healing, trying unconventional methods as well. My frustration came to a head and led me onto the beach that morning.

Here’s one of tools I use to stop FEAR dead in its tracks and send it running back into the shadows; “Faith and fear are the same thing. Faith is the belief that something good is going to happen. Fear is the belief that something bad is going to happen. How do you choose to live?”